Thick Richard has been peddling his potty-mouthed punk poetry since the turn of the century. He has presented BBC Radio 6 Music's Beat of the Day, performed on BBC Radio 4, and supported Kate Tempest, John Hegley, Arthur Smith, The Fall, Jerry Sadowitz and (sort of) Dr John Cooper Clarke. He co-hosted spoken word franchise Bang Said the Gun's Manchester events during its run at The Dancehouse Theatre and his most recent one-man show, Swear School (a crash course in everything you wanted to know about bad language - with puppets), premiered in 2016 before touring nationally.

Vaudavillain by Thick Richard
adult poetry
ISBN 978-0-9955012-5-6 | 142pp | 2017
rrp £9.99 | ebook £6.49 

Central Books

Vaudavillain is the first time Thick Richard's words have been securely trapped in a book - a cornucopia of political and personal vitriol, acerbic humour and points well-made. 

Illustrated throughout by the author.

"Thick Richard's poems remind you of things you'd forgotten were true. His words are rattling and brilliant and shoot life back at you in all its futility and chaos and wonder." - Kate Tempest

"I like a bit of fun, but this is ridiculous... Stu-fucking-pendous!" - Dr John Cooper Clarke

"John Cooper Clarke channelling the spirit of Frankie Boyle." - Terry Christian

"Thick Richard is an idiot on drugs. The thundering verse tramples over you leaving an acrid smell in its wake. Excellent. Much funnier than William Wordsworth." - Arthur Smith

"Thick Richard put the how in show business." - Hovis Presley

"Thick Richard is one of the greatest spoken word performers of his generation. His fierce, funny diatribes offer an essential antidote to an ever more sanitised and derivative culture. A unique and authentic working-class voice." - Byron Vincent

"Viciously vivid, violent, vehement, visceral, venomous, vulgar vernacular verse vented and vocalised vigorously at volume via a vexed and volatile virtuoso verbal vagabond. Variously vile, vitriolic, vibrant, virulent and vital." - Tony Walsh AKA Longfella

"Thick Richard ruined my life." - Bob Moyler (ex-Thick Richard and founder member)

'God Hates Stockport' by Thick Richard.

Who's Been Eating My Porridge?
from Vaudavillain © Thick Richard, 2017

Who's been eating my porridge?
Who's rained on my parade?
Who's pissed on my chips?
Who sunk my battleship?
It's Thick Richard
The worst thing since unsliced bread
Stop crying
Like I've just shot your dog and shagged your dad
I've just rearranged my room
So I have to get out the wrong side of bed
I'm too tired to smile
So piss off you clown
Who's been eating my porridge?

They say that when you're in London
You're never more than three feet away from a rat
Well when you're in Manchester
You're never more than three feet away from a dickhead
The world would be a much safer place to live in
If they just put common sense in the curriculum
The F word isn't funny
Who's been eating my porridge?

Life is like a box of chocolates
There's usually a diagram on the inside of the lid
Indicating as to what's what
So why don't you just fuck off
And fuck off while you're at it
Smell the cheese!
And pick the bones out of this one you cocksuckers

I look like Harry Potter
Jarvis Cocker
Sue Perkins
And your little brother
All rolled up into one little bitter ball of gobshite
So don't tell me about it
I don't wanna hear it
I've just lost all of my poetry spirit
Who's been eating my porridge?

Angry young man?
I make Sid Vicious look like Sid Little
It's like my grandma used to say
"If you haven't got anything worth saying...

Cover photo by Nathan McDowell.

Flapjack Press: exploring the synergy between performance and the page.