In memory of Richard Henry McFarlane (Hovis Presley), 1960-2005

This re-issue of Poetic Off Licence is based on the 'Bumper Edition' of 2005. Proceeds from the sale of this edition will go to support the Hovis Presley Memorial Fund, which was set up by family and friends to raise money for charitable good works in memory of the author, and Live from Worktown which promotes performance poetry in its many forms.

Poetic Off Licence
Poetic Off Licence
adult poetry
ISBN 978-0-9932370-0-3 | 106pp | 2015
rrp £10.00 | ebook £6.49

Flapjack Press
Central Books

Entertainment with the emphasis on "tert".
Since running away from home at the age of 28, award winning writer Hovis Presley (the award wasn't for writing) has found fame as the inventor of the bra-less strap and the individually wrapped baked bean. His interests include postal kerplunk and choosing the eight sandwiches he'd take to a desert island - currently seven cheese and an egg mayonnaise.
He has produced this book using only a pin and a dictionary.

Hovis Presley

"The other day I met Hovis Presley, a fine poet and a true gentleman. So I had a drink with all three of them." - John Cooper Clarke

"A slice of Real Loaf." - John Hegley

"Never stops being funny." - The Guardian

Cover by Sally, illustrations by Bazil.

by Bazil

I rely on you
from Poetic Off Licence © Hovis Presley

I rely on you
like a Skoda needs suspension
like the aged need a pension
like a trampoline needs tension
like a bungee jump needs apprehension
I rely on you
like a camera needs a shutter
like a golfer needs a putter
like a gambler needs a flutter
like a buttered scone involves some butter
I rely on you
like an acrobat needs ice cool nerve
like a hairpin needs a drastic curve
like a HGV needs endless Derv
like an outside left needs a body swerve
I rely on you
like a handyman needs pliers
like an auctioneer needs buyers
like a laundromat needs driers
like The Good Life needed Richard Briers
I rely on you
like a water vole needs water
like a brick outhouse needs mortar
like a lemming to the slaughter
Ryan's just Ryan without his daughter
I rely on you

First published as Poetic Off Licence Holiday Annual [d2 Digital by Design Ltd, 1997].
Re-issued in the original format as Poetic Off Licence Bumper Edition, with the author's amendments and some additional material [d2 Digital by Design Ltd, 2005].
Each loosely based on Poetic Off Licence and Other Likely Stories [Billy Scorey Press, 1993].

Hovis in Wonderland CD
Hovis in Wonderland CD
CD rrp £3.99 Available for £2.00 in the Flapjack Shop
Poetic Off Licence + CD £7.00


It was what economists, sociologists and kebab carousel maintenance men would call 'a bit of a dump'. But to Hovis Presley and a cast of instantly recognisable oddballs including Frugal Dougal, Anita Mullitova, Herbert Fountain and Natalie Satterley Slatterly, it's home.

Adapted from the late Richard McFarlane's much-loved Poetic Off Licence, Hovis in Wonderland charts the progress of his deadpan anti-hero over twelve eventful months.

First recorded at Bolton's Clockhouse Studios with Arts Council support in 2008 and re-issued in 2015.
Performed by Stella Blackburn, Nat Clare, Paul O'Plinter & Hilary Walker.
Tech by Kevin Bates. Adapted & Directed by Dave Morgan.

Flapjack Press: exploring the synergy between performance and the page.